By Your Side I Will Fight the Darkness
by JaneN7BlackWidow
Summary: Commander Jane Shepard, hero of the citadel, butcher of Torphan. Mostly renegade, some paragon. She is a hardened military leader that always gets the job done. There is only one person who can break down the walls that guard her heart, question is will they both make it out of this alive and live happily ever after? Or are they destine to die in the chaos of war? bioware owns all
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fan fiction that i have published, i cant seem to find a good enough renegade Femshep and Garrus Romance, every fiction i have tried to read ends up with Femshep changing Garrus into a paragon, and i fucking hate that, for some reason i like the dark side of Garrus and Femshep so this story focuses more on their relationship and how they fight together through it all no matter what the consequences. **

**That being said this story might or might not have a 'happy ending' because Jane and Garrus are soldiers, their duty will always comes first. **

**Rated M for language and future sex scenes *wink wink***

Chapter One: Death Changes Everything

_Tonight I lack the strength to even move,  
When you walked, now watch me die  
For I know this is harder for you,  
For love has let you down._

People seem to forget that space is cold. People also seem to forget that once you are spaced, you know you are internally fucked. People don't realize that space, is dangerous, it's not all rainbows and butterflies, and this galaxy is filled with scum. People want to shoot for the stars and be all you can be, but they don't realize that those choices have consequences. Commander Jane Shepard knew this when she got spaced, she knew this when she began to panic once she realized her air suit was punctured. She knew this when her body was floating towards that world and she knew this when she saw her ship burning in flames.

Jane Shepard died while her lungs froze and her eyeballs popped out of her skull. She never ever in her life felt so much pain, and not just physical pain, but emotional pain from dying like this, from not being able to tell the one person who mattered the truth. It killed her she couldn't tell him, it killed her that she let herself die and leave him to fight the reapers alone. He was alone now.

Her last thought before her consciousness was consumed by darkness was his bright blue eyes staring back her. They were so intense so vibrate she wished she saw them again. She wished she would wake up to see those blue eyes staring at her.

But that didn't happen. She was in this void, this dark pit for a long time before she realized she could open her eyes. When she finally did open her eyes, her world had been turned upside down. Everything she ever known was gone.

Cerberus brought her back to life. Cerberus spent billions of credits to resurrect her. They gave her a brand new ship, a new Normandy and said, 'here you go now do whatever I say.'

It irritated Jane and so that meant she was on edge 24/7. She didn't trust Cerberus, she knew they were evil that much is certain but there is something else to them that she just couldn't quite shake.

They seemed to fake and everyone one on this ship seemed too happy to join them in the first place.

That was including Jacob. Shepard scowled slightly just thinking about that man. He was the one she couldn't trust, he seemed to 'nice' for someone that joined Cerberus. He also seemed like the type that would break a women's heart without looking back.

Miranda seemed like she had the Illusive Man so far up her twat she might as well as been sucking his dick too. Miranda also seemed like being the XO was a permanent thing. Jane laughed to herself; Miranda was delusional if she thought she was going to command this ship.

Jane was sitting in her loft. She was lightly running her hands through her dark red hair. It was longer now, much longer than before she died. It was now down to her shoulder blades.

She was going to cut it but something held her back, and she knew exactly who it was.

She wouldn't dare utter his name because she felt like she would cry if she did. She just wish she knew where he was at, she just wish she knew if he was.. alive.

Something told her that something bad is or did happen to him and she doesn't know if she could handle being alive without him.

She curled up in a ball on her bed and hugged her knees. She began to think about him and just wished she would have had more time to tell him about how she felt.

Before shepard died Garrus had been her best friend, and she knew if she let her walls down then Garrus would have her heart, but she had serious issues with letting her walls down, she had serious issues with getting emotionally attached to one person.

At the time she never realized she would need him till it was too late. She never realized she would miss him till he was gone.

She thought about that one day. She regretted not being there for him like she promised she would.

* * *

*flashback*

"Who knows maybe after this I will see if I can go to the Spectres again, I know I can't go back to Csec not after what you taught me." he purs slightly and she smirks her trademark smirk. He takes a swing of whatever turian brandy he had. Garrus and Shepard were having a drink in the Mako just before Virmir.

"If you're a Spectre you can come back aboard the Normandy and we can team up. Or we can build a better and bigger Normandy that we can share equally and run the Galaxys scum off the grid." She laughs a giggly laugh due to the slight buzz, her green eyes flaring with amusement; then she tilted her head back and took another sip of whiskey.

Garrus laughed, his voice purred then his blue eyes snap to her bright green ones. His eyes searched her lips then back up to her eyes when she drank the burning liquid. "I'd like that.. Shepard."

Shepard scoffs, "Please Garrus its Jane when off duty."

"Sorry… Jane" His duel flange purred again and she found herself wishing he would say her name like that all the time. Jane never realized this.. affection she felt towards Garrus, she knew they had a connection but she didn't know if she was just slightly crazy or if this was real.

"Promise me Jane." He says with a seriousness enough tone that she stopped smiling.

"Promise you what Garrus?" She was slightly confused at the sudden change of the mood.

"Promise me.. that after we catch Saren and after I go back to the Spectres, that we will always be a team."

She stares at his perfect angular face, his blue eyes flicker with something she couldn't decipher but she found herself wanting to find out. "Of course Garrus you know that we will always have each other's back." She couldn't tell why Garrus seemed so urgent for her to promise but she understood why. Garrus has been her only loyal friend; everyone she has let in has broken her heart or has lied. She never trusted anyone as much as she trusted Garrus.

Every time they passed a glass theirs fingers would touch, and in the briefest of moments she wished it would happen again. She wanted it to happen again; she wanted to be closer to him. She found herself scooting closer to him the longer she stayed there on the floor of the mako.

Then she realized he wasn't wearing gloves and his forearms were showing, she couldn't stop herself, she lightly touched his hands. She wanted to show how serious she was about that promise.

She was afraid to speak so she just lightly stroked his talons feeling every inch all the way up his forearm were his armor came too.

She was also curious so felt the hardness of the plates, but it wasn't hard at all; it was warm, and pliable. Her fingers lightly trace his arm and his talons again and his body shivered from her touch. It felt like an electric shock happened through her core shaking her whole body. She closed her eyes trying to focus.

She then snapped out of it quickly dropping his hand. She opened her eyes and looked down at her shaking hands.

"sorry, I was…" She smiled nervously and was avoiding eye contact with him because she knew she was blushing really bad, she had no idea what to say.

"Jane.." He begins to stay but stops himself. She finally looked at his blue eyes; they were piercing her very soul making her heart ache. She couldn't look away from him, she couldn't ignore the pull that was forcing them together, and she had to know if he felt it too. His eyes had this brightness to them they were so god damn wonderful she found herself swimming in them like an ocean or lake.

"Yeah?" she questioned or more like begged. He shook his head like he snapped himself out of the pull that was attracting them together. He seemed to be at odds with himself to which made her question everything again, she just wished she wasn't so confused; did he want to be friends? Did he even like humans? Why am I acting like a fucking girl?

Jane snaps put of it and stands up quickly, trying to get rid of the sexual tension. "We should probably stop drinking and get ready for Virmir, I think we are almost there anyways.." She couldn't have said it any more awkward but she knew if she stayed there any longer, she would end up kissing her subordinate and that wouldn't look good and she knew she couldn't ignore this feeling, this connection she had with him, it seriously felt like something on a deeper level and she wasn't sure if she was prepared for it.

"Yes Commander." Garrus finally said so cold it broke her heart. He stood up and then walked out of the mako leaving her alone with her bottle of whiskey. She took another swig and then headed out to the elevator to get ready for Virmir.

* * *

*present*

Ever since then she regretted not telling Garrus that she felt it too that she felt that pull too and she would love to explore it if he wanted to also.

Jane Shepard inhaled hard and then wiped her face from exhaustion.

She ruined her chance and she knew it. After that Garrus was slightly colder to her, but he still acted the best friend she knew him to be. then why did she feel so hollow? so empty..

She was never an emotional woman but there was something about Garrus that made her knees week and her emotions heighten twenty times and it was hard to control. She never had that problem.. ever. This new feeling left something in her gut. Something she hated, sadness. She was downright sad from leaving Garrus behind.

Now she still had that same feeling, a feeling like when you're torn away from your soul mate and you can't breathe till you see them again, till you feel their touch or hear their voice.

She didn't understand why she felt this way, she knew there was something deeper going on here but she didn't know exactly what.

She couldn't take not knowing anymore so she decided to grab a data pad and look on the extranet for information on Turian mating customs. She knew maybe if she could find out why she feels like this then maybe she could help control it.

She types in; _Turian mating customs_, just to see what would come up.

After about an hour of searching through porn sights and bullshit mating connections websites she finally found one that looked legit.

It was plain white with black lettering giving very detailed information on rare occurrences of bond mates. True bond mates ones that mean your destine to be together forever and shit.

But it went on and on saying that they only happen once every couple hundred years and that they are usually destine to do something great to stop some evil. They were both great warriors connect by the spirits themselves. They are connected by the Spirits of their ancestors giving them the ability to connect with each other and feel each other's emotions.

She read on and on how if the two mates didn't recognize their feelings right away and if they are separated, then they are in danger of becoming a really zombie like mind. They don't feel they don't want anything but that person with them at all time. If the two aren't reunited serious consequences could happen.

All the signs that they said the two would have her and Garrus have. They would have a connection on and off the battlefield, both with be smart and strong together and week when apart.

By the time she was done reading she was so exhausted she finally felt like she could sleep. She lay on her rock hard bed face first and passed out.

She had a dream about Garrus. He was in so much pain; the darkness was over him just like the darkness fell over her. She tried to reach for him but he didn't believe she was there.

Shepard woke up a couple hours later to Jokers voice blaring through the loud speaker, "ETA 30 minutes to Omega Commander." She sat up breaking out in a cold sweat, she felt like the dream was so real, that she could feel Garrus and how much pain he was in. It was hard to move hard to get a hold of the emotions left over from the dream that seemed so real.

She got out of bed dragging her feet she barely made it to the shower.

She stripped her uniform and then glanced in the mirror before she went in. She had a slight glow to her eyes, they looked brighter, greener. Her scars showing lightly through her cheeks her face was also more angular looking. Her jaw line looked pointier; her skin also had a grey tint to it. It was barely noticeable but it was enough to make her look a tad different than before. Her blood in her veins also looked purple not blue and then on top of that her nails were slightly sharper. She figured she would scold Miranda later for the things she did to her.

Then Shepards throat started to do this weird low growl type thing, it was barely a noise but she could hear it perfectly. She had no idea what the fuck was going on but she looked like a fucking turian.

She showered and left her hair down, she thought about putting it up to get it out of the way but she just didn't care anymore. She didn't care if her hair got in her face during combat she didn't care if she died again just to have Cerberus rebuild her.. again. It was obvious if anything were to happen to Shepard, the illusive man will or already has drastic plans made.

After putting on her N7 armor she looked at the red N7 lining and sighed again. She felt like she didn't deserve it she felt like she didn't deserve any of this after all she was just one woman.

She looked in the mirror again before she left the room. She sighed, she had to admit she did look beautiful, her face looked more angular and sharper, and she looked like a model but her grey skin made her look exotic and intriguing. She didn't think much more of it but instead she decided to get to work and not dwell on things she couldn't control. What's done is done and she had to make best of this situation.

She then grabbed a few data pads of the two dossiers she is recruiting on Omega.

She began to skim them over; she wanted to get as fast as possible off this rock so she could search for Garrus. She read on about the scientist, Mordin Solus was the one Miranda wanted to get first. She read through it quickly, the salarian scientist use to be in the STG and was now working a lab on Omega. Shepard thought about it and decided he would be the best to recruit first so they could get working on upgrading the ship and tech but she didn't want to give the satisfaction Miranda was looking for.

Jane then turns to the other dossier skimming it slightly, turian, his name was Archangel. There isn't much information other than he is a turian and he is an excellent sniper and weapons system expert. She arched an eyebrow at that one, now that sounded too familiar.

If she had another sniper on her team that was turian and wasn't Garrus she might lose her mind. She just wanted Garrus, not someone that had his similarities.

She sighed and threw the data pads down on her desk and then went to the elevator to go down to the mess to grab something to eat.

When she got there the chief was cooking something but it didn't smell or look anything like she wanted to eat. Everything smelt disgusting and her stomach wouldn't be able to eat any of the rations that were provided. She hated this, something was different with her body and she didn't know exactly what.

She skipped breakfast and went to Mirandas office to see what the fuck she did to her.

The doors opened when Shepard walked in front of them automatically. Miranda was at her desk typing something up on her computer.

"Commander. What can I do you for?" she asks without looking up. Her Australian accent only added to her bitchyness.

Shepard began to growl slightly, she has never ever growled before but this was defiantly something she heard only turians do. She couldn't control it exactly; Miranda was irritating her by not giving Shepard her full attention.

Miranda's head snapped up to the noise Shepard was making, Miranda arched an eyebrow in a curious gesture.

"You can start by telling me what the fuck you did to me." Shepard voice was loud but it also had a hint of a duel flange to it, something she wasn't prepared for because she didn't notice it before.

Mirandas eyes widened in shock, "Commander. I don'-"

"Don't you dare fucking lie to me Laweson, I'm giving you one chance. What did you fucking do to me?" Shepard now had her palms flat on Mirandas desk while she leaned in close to her face so Miranda can see the full extent of the differences in her face.

"i- I'm sorry. I didn't think it would have a permanent affect." She stammered a bit.

"Keep talking." Shepard ordered.

"During your reconstruction I've had to.. alter your DNA. The cybernetics wouldn't adapt to your system, they wanted to change your DNA and the only way for your body to not reject them you needed some Turian DNA." She paused looking away from shepards heavy stare. "I only put a tiny bit but it seems the Cybernetics have taken a liking to that side better. If.. we had Doctor Solus he can run more test and get an accurate reading on what exactly you are." She said so fucking cold Shepard cringed slightly at her words.

"I know exactly who I am Lawson. Doesn't matter what my DNA says." Shepard said with a snarl at the end, something she heard Garrus use before against Executive Pallin.

Shepard stood straight and turned her back on Miranda. "Be ready for your precious Doctor cause we are at Omega. I expect you to follow my orders." Then she walked out the door.

"Yes commander." Shepard barely heard the Cerberus operative say before the doors swish shut.

Jane sighed and ignored all the stares she got in the mess hall. She didn't care if they heard, she didn't care if they thought she was intimidating she just wanted to get the fuck on with the rest of her pathetic life by being a tool to everyone she has ever known.

Shepard gets out of the elevator at Deck 2. She sees the back of kelly's head and sighs loud enough for the Yeoman to hear. It's not that jane didn't like Kelly. It's just that.. well she just fucking hates it when people try to get into other peoples heads when they have no fucking idea what it's like to be that person in the first place.

Kelly was naive, extremely naive and she thinks she soldiers when she has never even been a soldier herself. She is a pathetic little child that just joined because she had nothing better to do that day and she thought it would be a 'life changing event.'

"How are you doing Commander?" she asks. Shepard growled slightly but not loud enough for human ears to hear.

"Save it Yeoman I don't need you trying to get into my head." that's one thing Shepard was good at. Building walls so perfect around herself that she didn't let anyone in. It's what made her strong.

Kelly opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. It was almost like she was seriously that afraid.

Shepard then kept walking to the cock pit to talk to Joker. The only person on this ship she could bullshit with.

"Can you believe this commander? It's my baby better than new and it fits me like a glove. And leather seats! Military may have set the hardware standard, but on a first gen frigate they could care less if the seats breathe. Civilian sector comfort by design." Joker says while the chair spins around to face Shepard. She couldn't help but smirk for a second.

"The reproduction is not intended to be perfect Mr. Moreau. Seamless improvements were made." EDI's holo glowed while it spoke. Shepard crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back on her right leg.

"Aand there's the down side. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she's got this.. thing I don't want to talk about. It's like ship cancer." Joker replied.

Shepard's smile faded she knew she had to be honest to her crew she couldn't be sugar coating anything. "I don't trust them. We still need to move ahead but it's all a little too convenient." She needed to let him know that all this fancy stuff was just a distraction just to keep them happy.

"Maybe you're right.. I guess it's hard to argue when they install an AI to spy on us." He sounded almost sad, but then he added, "We're staying though right? I mean this seat is real leather." Shepard smiled at that of course they were staying they were fucking stuck and she was the Illusive Man's toy.

"Good to see you're keeping it all in perspective Joker." She couldn't blame the guy, after all he did see her get spaced.

"ah.. Leather!" he says then turns around and goes back to whatever it was he was doing before.

She decided to ignore the AI for now till only when she needed it when necessary she still couldn't trust it not with the Illusive Man behind the control and Miranda being is pet.

She looks around for the two operatives and noticed they weren't here yet. Irritated shepard sighed and then spoke to the AI.

"EDI tell Jacob and Miranda to meet me at the airlock now." she tells the AI then waits for the two to show up.

They were now docking at Omega and Shepard wanted to get the fuck off this place as fast as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Stay With Me

_If the demons take me.._

_I just want to be dead for good._

_When the spirit meets me.._

_I will die like a good man should._

A blue armored turian looks through the cross hairs of his sniper rifle and lines it up with a blue sun merc's head. He waits for nearly 2.1 seconds before he pulls the trigger in between his heart beating.

The merc drops dead to the floor collecting with the other bodies that lay there lifeless.

Target practice. That is what this pretty much is. Nothing but target practice.

He sighed and then reloaded his rifle quickly and then shot the next couple mercs that were trying to hide behind cover.

He knew this was it. He knew he was trapped and there is no possible way for him to escape. He knew he had been betrayed and he knew he would die in this pit with his men.

The only comfort he had was that Shepard would be on the other side waiting for him.

Spirits, he missed her, he didn't realize he would never forget her smell, or her face, or the tiny little freckles that litter across her nose. He remembers that day when she was declared dead; he felt like a different person then, that his entire soul turned into some other being completely. He didn't know what to do with himself and he knew without her everything would be for nothing. His spectre training, everything would be all a lie because he only wanted to make her proud he only wanted to join up with her, it never had to do with anything else.

So the very next day after he heard the news he left the Citadel and eventually ended up at Omega, he was now changed into Archangel.

Now, this was Garrus Vakarian's last run. His final stand. He'd be damned to let them take him without a fight. Because everything he has ever done there and everything he has ever stood for began long before Omega, he wasn't about to let those bastards win.

His father's words echoed in his skull. _Do things right Garrus, or don't do them at all._

He laughs, yeah right. Nothing was right anymore nothing was ever going to be right. It was the last conversation him and his father had. He suddenly felt guilty for not reaching out to him more but he forced it away because more mercs were crossing the bridge.

His father was right of course, he was always right, and even now while his team lay dead on the ground he thought of his father and what he tried to drill into his head, he thought of Shepards words and what she tried to tell him about not letting your emotion cloud your judgment. He was so blind he never opened his eyes to see.

More mercs crossed the bridge, they have conquered their plan. They broke Archangel and divided his team. He knew he had been defeated, and he let it happen.

He fired his gun on auto pilot. He never really looked at the faces, he never really cared. He knew he was at the end of the line; it was always inevitable it was always going to lead to this.

Garrus decided there was only one person he needed to talk to, only one person who would.. understand, and that was his father.

Garrus brought up his onmitool and dialed his father's name.

"_Hello?"_ his voice was the same yet older.

"Dad." Garrus said he wasn't sure what to say really he just needed to hear his voice. He fired a few more bullets at more mercs and hid behind cover to avoid the bullets that flew past his helmet.

"_Garrus?"_ his father sounded shocked, "_is that you? What's that noise?"_ he knew exactly what that noise was. Bullets firing, the sound of death and destruction just at the bridge below.

"Just.. a little target practice." Garrus couldn't bring himself to say the actual words but he knew that his dad would understand.

"_Then call me back later."_

"I.. don't think I will be able to do that." Garrus shot one more time and reloaded a thermal clip. "Too many targets." Garrus knew this would be the last time he would talk to his father.

There was a long pause then Garrus's father finally said, ".. I see."

"I just.. wanted to hear your voice. Just wanted to know how retirement was treating you… you good?" it was kind of awkward but Garrus didn't care, he was going to die.

"_I'm fine. Forget about that." _He says irritated.

"Listen I don't have a lot of time. I wanted to say.. you were right about things. A lot more than I gave you credit for." he paused and fired more head shots. "I'm sorry we butted heads so much.." he felt so broken like his soul was ripping apart piece by piece.

"_I said forget about that.. these targets.. you're practicing on—they're moving fast?" _

"So far.." Garrus replied while killing more mercs. "Not far enough but they're learning." Garrus watches the next team get ready behind the barricade, it looks huge and ready to take on a lot more than Garrus's sniper rifle.

_"And how's your thermal clips?_" Garrus could swer this is the first and last real conversation he has ever had with his dad.

"You know how it is.. could always use a couple more." He didn't want to tell his dad how truly fucked he really was. Garrus hides behind cover and waits for the next team to make their final push.

"_Work with what you've got then you don't stop pulling that trigger until it clicks, son. No matter how bad things are falling apart around you, as long as you have at least one bullet left, you can still get the job done. Understand?" _his father's words gave him hope gave him comfort. He reloads his sniper rifle and then aims down site. His father continues, "_You finish up what you have to do there, and then you come on home to Palavan. We have a lot to sort out."_ Garrus then aims and sees a familiar symbol in the crosshairs of his sniper rifle. He blinked. _It couldn't be._

Garrus zoomed out his heart beating deep in his chest. A flock of dark red beautiful hair flew in his scope like the very flames that burned the forest back on Palavan.

It was her, the N7 armor, all black with a single red stripe on her right arm. He couldn't believe his eyes but he knew he wasn't hallucinating. He watches her face, her hair, her body movements, it was defiantly her. Garrus mandibles flared in a turian smirk.

"Yeah we do." Garrus finally says to his father, "and thanks dad.. for everything. Don't worry I will make it home when I can. The odds just got a lot better." He hangs up the call and helps Shepard clear out the rest of the mercs that were there.

He couldn't help but watch her through his scope. She was so beautiful, light scars on her cheeks proves she was in a dark place. She was the real angel here not him. She was the true Angel. Her eyes were so green yet they seemed so far away like she wasn't quite herself. He wanted to make her eyes flash alive again; he wanted to feel what it is like to have her skin against his.

He watched a merc through his scope that hid behind cover while Jane went up the stairs behind him. He unlocked the door for her so she could enter. He guessed she didn't know he was Archangel because she seemed to be less than pleased she was here.

The doors swish open and Garrus instantly feels her presence enter the room. "Archangel?" she question, or more like demanded, except her voice was different, Garrus knew he heard a duel flange to it. He held up a sign for silence and she nods without saying another word.

Garrus pulled the trigger and killed the last merc that was hiding behind cover.

Garrus then stands up slowly leaning on his rifle and then takes off his helmet he says while stepping closer to Shepard, he barely notices the two people she is with. "Shepard.. I thought you were dead." He didn't care if she was dead he was just glad she was alive know. Her scent engulfed his senses and caused him to feel things he tried to ignore but there was something different about her now that seemed to speak to him on another primal level and he didn't know what to do.

Her face was different, her skin was different, yet he was more intrigued by it if anything, he was curious. He wanted to know what happened and he wanted to know why there were two people he didn't know watching her back.

She seemed to be holding back her excitement or whatever it is that she is hiding behind that mask.

"Garrus.." her voice whispers and then she does something he thought she never ever would do. She started to use her subharmonics. She was making uncontrollable noises with them. "What are you doing here?" she was surprised to see him, or more like relieved.

"Oh you know me.. a little target practice. Killing mercs is hard work, especially on my own." It was meant to be a joke, but it was halfhearted. Garrus barely had the energy; he had been up for two days straight now.

She didn't find it very funny. "You okay?" she asks, the concern in her eyes was something he wasn't used to seeing. She always wore a mask, and she never let it slip, except for around him.

"I've been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face." He knew he couldn't lie to her, he knew he couldn't say everything is fine because he knows everything is not.

She turned quickly to the other two people she was with, "Lawson , Taylor. Check the perimeter stay down in the lower level there should be reinforcements coming soon so stay sharp."

"Yes commander." The male said but the female didn't seem too happy.

"Are you sure that is wise Commander?" the brown haired women said.

"Are you questioning my orders Lawson?" Shepard sneered, a low growl escaped her throat and Garrus wondered what other noise he could get her to make, and then stopped himself from following that train of thought.

"Uh.. No I just-"The women stammers.

"Just do what I say." Jane says while rubbing her eyes with her gloved hands.

"Yes commander." She finally said and then forced herself to follow the other one out the room.

Shepard finally turns to him with eyes that poured into his heart. He reached for her then and she came instantly. Her arms wrapped around his cowl while his wrapped around her thin waist.

She hugged him, like she didn't want to ever let go. He lived in her scent for a few minutes. He breathed her in and he could feel her breathe his scent in also. She rubs her small face against his mandibles when she pulled away. He froze. Any turian would assume that she meant she wanted to mate. Garrus looked into her eyes and seen something there.

"I missed you Garrus.." the space between them was like the dark void he came back from.

"Where were you Jane?" he asks so softly, so carefully he didn't want to get her mad.

She sighed and ran a hand through her red hair looking away from his eyes, "I was.. dead." She makes eye contact again, the dark shadow of death still marked her soul and he felt it deep in her bones.

He knew without a doubt now that Jane Shepard, is his turian bond mate, he had feelings but never really knew because she was human, but even now his instincts were screaming at him that he was right and that she was made just for him.

He wondered if she felt it to if she felt this connection to because he just wanted to make her happy and do whatever she wants.

He lightly traces the scars that line her cheeks with his talon. Their eyes are still locked together and her sub harmonics trill with affection. He was shocked, he knew he shouldn't be but he still was. This was a lot to take in.

She began to clarify, "i- I have been in, some sort of coma for the last 2 years. Cerberus found my body and rebuilt me.. I just woke up 2 days ago." Her voice carries a weight that he hasn't heard before.

He always knew the commander to be strong and defiant and never scared of anything not even death itself, but he knew that the real Shepard was the not the person on the outside but the person within, and Garrus saw more of that Jane then he saw of the Commander. He wanted to get to know Jane more.

"I was so lost without you.." he says tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. Garrus wished he didn't have gloves on so he can feel the softness.

"What happened Garrus?" she finally asked what he knew she would be itching to ask.

"It was my own damn fault." Garrus looked away ashamed of himself and ashamed of even telling this to Shepard." My feelings got in the way of my better judgment and my team paid the price." He growled, he didn't like admitting the mistake he made and he didn't want to let Shepard down.

"That doesn't sound like you Garrus.." she knew he was smart and a good detective but when she died two years ago everything change. Death changes everyone and Garrus has dealt with a lot of death, but when she died, it made Garrus's perception on death change, it's almost like he didn't care to die, like he wanted to die.

"It's a long story. Tell you what I will tell you everything once you get me off this rock alive." He said, and then motioned her over to the bridge to check out the mercs.

"Deal. So how we getting out of here?" she asked changing the subject which he was grateful for.

"I say we wait here, for a crack in their defensives and then make a break for it. It's not much of a plan, but it's a plan, and with the three of you.."

"I was tired of sneaking around anyways; time to spill a little merc blood!"

"Glad to see you haven't changed." His voice purred, his blue eyes found her then. Her greens ones snap back to him. A warm feeling settled in his chest at her stare, he wished she would always stare at him like that. He made it his goal to get her eyes to look at him like that all the time. He wanted to see her smile again he wanted to be there for her.

_You can't you weren't even there for your team and look what happened._ A little voice whispered in his brain. How could he think he could be there for her when he can't even be there for himself? He was going to die here in this pit on Omega and she is the one that rescued him, she is the one that saved him. How could he think he could save her? How could he think he could save her from the darkness, when he couldn't even save himself?

He shook his head and tried to get rid of these dark thoughts that came from within, he knew he would never be the same, and he knew we could never be a leader.

For the next few moments Garrus and Shepard sniped as many of those bastards one by one. Garrus felt a sense of pride swell in his chest, he missed this, and he missed this connection. They never ever fired at the same target and it seemed that the connection they had was stronger now more than ever between them. Garrus heard her quite trills with her sub harmonics and he found himself realizing that he was making the same noises as she was, he was even comforting her using trills that he only heard his parents use to each other.

He realized then that whatever it is they had could not be undone, they could not split up after this they could never be apart again or the consequences will be dire.

Ever since his mother died, father was never the same, now he understood why, now Garrus understood why his father never looked like he was really there.

A loud bang shakes the building causing Garrus to slightly lose his balance.

"Damn it." He growled whiling bringing up his onmi tool to check the barriers. "well they had to use their brains eventually. They breached the lower levels, they will swarm us if they get through." Then he turned to Shepard who was standing beside him waiting for her orders. "Shepard. You need to go down and shut the barricades."

"I'm not leaving you up here alone Garrus. I just got you back I'm not about to have you die." Without a chance to argue she turned to her radio. "Taylor. Come back up here and protect Garrus. Lawson and I will go shut the barricades in the lower levels."

"Thanks Shepard, you better get going, it's down the stairs behind the stair wall on the other side of the room." She nods her head ready to him and then takes out her sniper rifle.

She left the room and 3 seconds later Taylor came up ready's his weapon. Garrus give him a soldier to soldier nod, they both knew what they needed to do, and they had to have some sort of trust.

Garrus and Taylor were able to hold them off till Shepard came back fairly easily. Relief flooded over him when he saw her walk into those doors. He hated that he felt this overprotectiveness of her when he knew she was perfectly capable of handling any situation herself.

They fought more mercs together. Garrus should have seen it come but he was so worried about shepard he almost didn't care.

Garrus and Shepard were standing next to eachother, Shepard had a smirk on her face and a slight breeze moved her longer red hair in her face. He fought the urge to tuck a strand behind her ear.

Then a loud noise brought his attention to the side balcony. "Archangel! You think you can fuck with the blue suns!" The gun ship appeared and started to rain a hail of bullets on them. Garrus grabbed sheppard and through her behind cover. He took most of the damage breaking his shields.

He drops to the floor in pain trying to find cover. "Garrus!" he barely hears her voice, but it sounds so frantic, it caused him to keep focus.

He crawls to a piece of cover and held his sniper rifle ready to shoot.

It must have been bad luck because as soon as he gets out of cover a rocket gets shot, and Garrus was in its path.

He never had a chance. The rocket hit Garrus, he felt so much pain, and then he didn't feel anything at all.

He barely heard Shepards cries over the sound gun fire and battle… then a loud explosion.

* * *

BioWare own all


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the reviews :) yes Grammar is not my best I admit. I will try harder to correct some mistakes. In this next chapter Garrus will be freaking out slightly more because Shepards body is changing and he doesn't know what to do. His Turian instincts are telling him to make Shepard his mate before anyone else does. So he is conflicted because he doesn't know where she stands.**

**The story follows along ME2, obviously, but I will change a little bit here and there. I will mostly focus on the relationship and less on the game.. since we have all played it a thousand times. LOL. **

**Oh and in the chapter before, the conversation with Garrus and his father, I got that from the Mass Effect Homeworlds comic book. I wrote it exactly the same because I felt it didn't need any changing.**

**BIOWARE OWNS ALL (as always)**

**Also if you haven't noticed I use a lot of curse words. Like a lot. And half of them I don't even mean to use so sorry if it gets excessive.**

**This chapter is also slightly shorter. **

Chapter 3: You're here yet I'm still alone

_My heart is just too dark to care.  
I can't destroy what isn't there.  
Deliver me into my fate -  
If I'm alone I cannot hate_

Jane Shepard was standing in front of the medbay doors staring at the red symbol telling her that she couldn't enter.

Garrus got dragged into there just minutes before. She couldn't hear anything but the sound of her own heartbeat, and the sound of her own thoughts.

_This is my entire fault._ If he wasn't so distracted to save her, maybe just maybe he wouldn't be in this situation.

_He wouldn't be dying on the med bay table._ She shook her head, she tried not to let the dark thoughts take over but she needed to be realistic she needed to be the Commander she knew she was supposed to be.

_He might not make it._ _You need to be prepared for that too Jane. _She told herself she needed to be prepared to lose him, yet she knew she could never be prepared to lose him. Her body shook with anxiety; she knew she couldn't go on without him; she knew she couldn't do this mission without him.

She sank to her knees hearing a loud clank hit the floor from her armor. She looked down at her hands. They were covered in blood… His blood, his blue turian metallic blood smeared on her armored hands and stomach. She could smell the metal and the foreign yet so familiar turian scent of musk trees and nature. She has smelled that smell before, but now with her better turian senses she could smell it as clear as the smell of coffee being made, or sticking her nose into a flower.

Then she looked at the little device she was clutching in her left hand like it was the only thing she had left. It was Garrus's visor, it didn't get damaged because it is on the other side of his face but it was still covered in his blood. The blue interface was now off; she turned the device in her hands and sees the 12 names of his men scratched on the side. He must have done this when he thought he was going to die.. and now he might die.. her body shook with fear, she loved him, she knew that now, she always wondered if it was just lust but now she realized she has never ever in her entire fucking life has felt this way about someone.

She never got scared, and right now she was fucking scared that Garrus might die.

She ordered hundreds of soldiers to their deaths during the Battle of Torphan and she didn't bat an eye.  
It was her duty and she did what she was told, that's the end of it, but loosing Garrus because she got careless made her chest ache with a pain she has only experienced when she lost all her family to Batarian slavers. She always stayed strong no matter what in any situation.

She has killed so many people; so many species over the years she knows she doesn't even remember half of them. Some people call her a cold blooded killer and she would have to admit there were times she could have spared someone's life but she chose not to. Simply because she told herself it's what she had to do. There was something to Garrus that she needed him on a whole other level. Like they were two beings connected as one.

She clicks on his visor and then puts it on the left side of her face.

She didn't want to just search through his files or anything because that would be an invasion of privacy, but as soon as she put it on a picture came up. That was her breaking point, that picture made her burst into silent tears, she never cried.. ever.. but when she did, they were silent. She didn't sob like a little girl; she held her face firm and let the tears silently drip down her cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them away.

The picture was of Garrus and her just after the battle at the citadel. Tali must have taken this picture because there was rubble everywhere and it was just after Jane came out from under the reaper like a badass.

Garrus and Jane both had their sniper rifles out; they had a relieved look on their faces like they just conquered the world together. Garrus was reaching out slowly with his left hand while his rifle was in his right. Shepard was leaning towards him and her eyes had a sparkle in them.

Jane cried while staring at the picture, she never knew he had this; she never even knew that Tali took a picture of that moment. The Jane and the Garrus in the picture looked so young so happy, she doubted they would ever be the same again. She knew she couldn't be the same and neither could Garrus, but they are both scarred.. they are both hurt. If he made it out of this alive, they could be broken together to fit one whole piece. She didn't care if the demons would take both of them, as long as they were together.. it didn't matter where they went.

She didn't know how long she stayed on the floor, she knew she didn't care.

She slowly got up and ignored the stares she got from the people in the mess hall. She didn't care what they thought, she didn't even know them she would never remember their faces or their names so why should she care if they stare? She slowly walked to the elevator to get back up to her hole before Miranda could find her to try to piss her off even more.

When she got to her cabin she stripped her armor and changed into a black robe that she found. She went to the bathroom to take a shower and get rid of all the grime and worries that settled on her shoulders.

After she finished showering she looked at herself in the mirror again. She almost couldn't get use to her new features she was changing more turian every day; she wondered if it would stop. Sighing, she dried off with a towel and then out her robe back on.

She then went directly to her bed to lay flat on her back to stare at that stupid fucking hole they decided to put in the ceiling.

Yes it was calming but still it just reminded her suffocating in space while she died watching her ship burn in flames. The Normandy was more than just a ship, it was her home.. her only home and now she had a brand new one. She wanted to be happy but she couldn't especially when Cerbsus was running the show. She fucking hated that stupid AI they put in to spy her too. She didn't need it and she didn't want it. She would actually prefer if it was bound by Cerberus protocols then maybe the AI would be on Shepards side, not the Illusive Mans.

Jane rolled onto her stomach, the bed was actually really hard, she wondered if they did it on purpose so she wouldn't sleep in.

She thought about Garrus and hoped he was doing okay. She knew it is stupid to hope for things that might not work out but she needed to believe that he was going to be okay.

She tried to close her eyes and maybe sleep, but it was impossible with how many things that were running in and around her head. She stared blankly for a long time.

She had no idea how long she stared off into space, but she jumped almost a foot off the bed when EDI's voice chimes in overhead, "Commander. Operative Taylor would like to speak with you in the debriefing room."

Shepard growled without meaning to and then got up off her bed with a grunt. "What the fuck does he want?"

"He said he needed to discuss the details of the last mission, Commander."

"Fine. I'll be down in 15." She groaned when she had to pick a Cerberus uniform.

She changed quickly so she could get this over with. She grabbed Garrus's visor and turned it off, she put it in her pocket to keep it safe.

By the time she got down their Taylor had this look on face that Shepard wanted to smack off.

He straightened up and saluted when she entered. She couldn't tell if he did that out of respect, or if he did that to mock her. Maybe she was just going crazy.

"Taylor."

"Commander. Archangel too-"

She cut him off and narrowed her eyes in a death glare, "his name is Garrus Vakarian, and he is the 'turian' on my old crew, or did your precious Illusive Man miss that one."

She fucking hated it when she was being played for a sucker and right now she felt like the Illusive Man was toying with her.

Jacob cleared his throat awkwardly, "uh.. we've done what we could for Garrus but he took a bad hit.." Jacob pauses and Shepards heart almost drops out of her chest. "The docs have corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics." Mother fucker made it seem like Garrus was dead. "best we can tell he will have full functionality but-"

Then the door swishes open interrupting Jacob. Garrus walks forward with a smirk on his beautifully scarred face. "Shepard." His sub harmonics makes a noise that she isn't familiar with.

Jacob says something but she doesn't hear him all she can look at is Garrus.

"Garrus!" she barely heard herself say.

"Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?" He tried to laugh but Shepard saw through to him, like always.

She smirked, "hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice." She joked.

He laughed a true laugh that vibrated through her core. She couldn't help but grin. She was glad he was here. "ha- ow. Don't make me laugh shepard. My face is barely holding together as it is." He winces while he touches it.

Shepards smirk faded, the scars were bad. "At least we match now." she says motioning to her own face. Jacob finally fucking takes this time to leave.

"Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you most of those women are Krogan." She laughed and rolled her eyes at him. She actually found facial scars attractive but she wasn't about to tell him that.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"Nothing I can't handle. Frankly, I'm more worried about you.. Jane." He says. "Cerberus? I sure hope you know what you are doing.."

"I know Garrus and that's why I'm glad you're here. If I'm walking into hell I need someone I can trust by my side." She replied. She wanted to tell him so much more than that, but now wasn't the time.

"You realize this has me walking into hell too, right? Ha, just like old times." His voice purred.

Shepard realized she was using her sub harmonics with trills of comfort and happiness that he was here.

His eyes snapped to hers in a glare, "How are you making those noises Shepard? Why.. are you so different?" he finally the asked the question he had been dying to ask.

Shepard sighed, "I don't fucking know. Cerberus brought me back to life with turian DNA I guess, none of it makes any sense." She growled again showing Garrus just exactly what they did to her.

"Shepard… you need to control your sub harmonics while around other turians.." he seemed to being trying to focus.

She clamped her sub harmonics shut and Garrus seemed relieved by it.

"You think you can go back to Omega? We need to recruit a doctor." She said. They ended up going straight after Archangel when they found out by Aria that he didn't have much time left so they still had to go back for the doctor.

"I'm fit for duty whenever you need me Shepard. I'll settle in and see what I can do at the forward batteries." He says and then turns to leave.

Shepard blinked, what the fuck just happened? They were having a conversation and he just leaves?

She remembered she had to give him his visor so she ran after to him. She caught him at the elevator. Just when it was about to close Shepard squeezed in.

"I forgot to give this to you." She held out her hand.

Garrus looks at her a little stunned and then he takes the visor gently like he is afraid to break it.

"I thought it got left down on Omega.." he says while he puts it back on.

"Better?" I asked him.

He nods. "I felt naked without it."

Shepard thought of a dirty comment to reply to that but stopped before she made this elevator ride even more awkward.

She wanted to say so much more to him, but she wasn't exactly sure where to start. She had so much she wanted to share with him, but did he even want to listen? She wasn't sure where they stood anymore.

Finally arriving at Deck 3 the elevators doors opened and Garrus walked over to the main battery not saying a word to Shepard.

She felt slightly saddened by it but decided to ignore it. Garrus had a lot of things on his mind, he lost his entire team, and she knew it would take its toll on him.

For now she decided to leave him be. Maybe the mission will help distract him and get his mind on track. Shit, what was she saying? Her mind wasn't even on track; she should worry about her own mental health before someone else's.

Yet she didn't want to think about her own, she didn't want to see the darkness that loomed over her soul. She could feel it. She could feel its claws at the back of her brain trying to surface.

She shook her head and then ignored any thoughts that tried to peak through.

She had to get ready for the next mission; she had to focus on destroying the collectors.

* * *

lyrics in beginning of chapter from: Snuff by Slipknot


End file.
